in
love - ‘emotional attachment, strong likeness or physical bond between two
people of the opposite gender’
Marriage
is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers
God will judge. Hebrews 13:4
When you decide to marry,
being in love is neither the
necessary nor the sufficient condition for determining whom you marry. The
choice of whom you marry is fully dependent on the creator of marriage and that
is God himself, yet your choice as a free will person cannot be subjugated. This
is not to say that the outcome of Lord Thomas and Fair Ellender we be the
outcome if we marry someone you are not in
love with.
That it takes ‘two to
tangle’ is an old proverb and Amos 3:3 speaks volume of the necessity, willingness
and readiness to walk the marriage journey with your partner only if both of you
agrees together. The decision to marry then is beyond being in love but having a determination to weather
the seasons of life both good and bad with the person. This decision is same as
choosing to love. It is not necessary that you marry the person you are in.
To some the marriage
process is like this:
Man meets lady, they
starts a conversation, then a relationship, then love grows, man suddenly finds
out he is in love with lady, then man
proposes to lady, lady weighs the proposal and ponder if he is in love with the man or not, if she
thinks she is in love, she says yes
and if she thinks she is not in love,
she says no. This completes the marriage process and gives birth to the
marriage life.
The above marriage
processes is good if either of the man or lady does not falls out of love but
the reality of offenses cannot be overlooked therefore there is bound to be the
possibility of falling out of love. The decision to divorce when you fall out
of love becomes the logical conclusion since you are married because you are in love. The choice to choose to love
when the in love fantasy, which
psychologists have adjured to last an average of two years is gone pose a
reality, which is, you can choose to marry someone you are not in love with once you are determined to
choose to love.
The above conclusion
simply acts as a premise to the fact that we need to consult God in the choice
of life partner. The assurance that we can choose to love makes the decision to
ask God for direction in the choice of marriage partner not only necessary but
also sufficient because He is the creator of marriage. Someone can posit, why
ask God when I can choose to love? Answer: He is the maker and originator of
marriage. This conclusion also poses its own challenges, which is the
possibility of God’s choice not being the person you are in love with.
Marriage is both a
covenant and a contract. A covenant because it is binding on both partners and
a contract because it is voluntarily entered in with legal expectation and
responsibilities from both parties.
The necessary condition
for finding a wife is that the person is saved and the sufficient condition is
the leading of the Lord towards your partner as the choice for you. Other test
like peace, pastor, physician, physical, priority and purpose tests will all
help to confirm God’s choice.
Trials, temptations
after going after God’s choice does not necessarily mean the partner is not God’s
choice; they may be test along your marital path. God is the author of marriage
and must therefore set the standard.
If we are to accept
God’s choice as the final (necessary and sufficient condition) authority in the
choice of who we marry, it is more likely that we may not all marry who we are in love with but there is always the
will to love whom we marry. The will to love God’s choice for your life far
outweighs the possibilities and future happiness you may assume if the person
you are in love with is not the
person God has prepared for you but you still go ahead to marry each other.
In the finally
conclusion, as you ponder on the thought of who to marry, you need to remember
that it is not necessary that you marry someone you are in love with but rther that the person is God’s choice for you and
it is sufficient that you must choose to love after the confession of faith and
love at the marriage altar.